- Show us all your pretty Microsoft Certifications! They’re like official and stuff and require you to sit through a written exam and everything! This one here says I can use MS Office, and this one says I’m an Microsoft Certified Webservice Developer! Just because I’ve never actually ever written a webservice doesn’t mean the certificate’s meaningless right?
- Who wants to write code when you can drag & drop? It’s so easy! What do you mean, it breaks the designer’s perfectly valid, cross-browser html layout and makes the site slow down to a crawl? Fuck you, I wanna be home by 5’o clock!
- Develop for IE6 first, then hack for FF/Safari/etc… Hey! It comes standard with windows, that’s the only standard you need right?
- Only have experience developing intranet applications. It’s not easy making buggy web-interfaces that are only marginally more usable than hand-writing SQL statements.
- Don’t ever actually spend any time on the internet. Who reads blogs when you’ve got sports & sitcoms on TV? Also never google for .NET related questions. If you don’t know how to do something, it’s impossible and can’t be done, ever. What do you mean, you just did?
- CSS? That’s just 1337-speak for using divs instead of tables. Inline styles FTW!
- Learn any language other than C# (or even VB.NET). Where’s my Visual Studio at? PHP is for filthy hackers anyway.
- Don’t use open source software. It’s free, so there’s got to be a catch right (like AIDS!)? I’ll just stick to Microsoft sanctioned libraries or expensive third-party components that are IE-only, thank you very much.
- Design patterns? I’m a developer, not some pansy-ass designer! Excuse me while I code the entire business logic in this single VB file.
- Ajax? SiFR? DOM scripting? Stop speaking gibberish you ape. I only care about things if they start with “Microsoft” and have a year in the title somewhere.
Do these sound familiar to you? Then by all means, please don’t go to http://www.proximity.bbdo.be/jobs .
MCSE is to computers as McDonalds Certified Chef is to fine cuisine